Mountain Dew Church Pin Cherry Bomb
Cast CAM – 17, large but not necessarily soft, wears cut offs and a T-shirt, perhaps of some ominous, not-necessarily known metal band LEE – 15, short, flat-chested girl with short hair. She’s also in cut-offs. CAM’s first cousin. Time July 4 Place Backyard of LEE’s house in the South Setting An empty space with a perhaps a suggestion of dark woods in background.
… and this Red Devil bottle rocket is pretty big. And this fountain is like the tallest one they had. And these tanks are loud....
…uh-huh and some bad ass Snap ‘N Pops and some sparklers. CAM throws the sack on the ground. LEE picks it up.
Those are for the twins.
Yeah. OK, Lee. Right.
What do you have, Cam? Huh, why don’t you let me see?
What the hell you care?
My dad said I could set all my fireworks off by myself – except for the rocket – but I could do everything else since I turned 15 last month and he said I’m practically grown.
What do ya think your daddy would say about this?
It’s just a firecracker.
Gimmie it. (CAM snatches the sack back from LEE) It’s a cherry bomb – a cherry bomb -- and it’s practically illegal like almost a stick of dynamite and I’m gonna blow a big hole in somethin’ in a few minutes so why dontcha ya run up on the deck where it’s safe with the twins and your momma and daddy and have some, I don’t know, ice cream.
My dad won’t like it at all if you blow up part of his yard. He’s real fussy about it and makes me and the twins come out and pick up sticks even after a slight breeze.
Maybe I’ll light this cherry bomb and throw it down your pants.
You wouldn’t do that.
I wouldn’t?
Don’t do that, Cam.
What do you think your daddy would do to me, Lee? Make me pick up sticks? Or go to his Bible study?
You know we prayed for you. When we heard what happened. My dad brought us all into the den and asked us to pray for you.
But I didn’t because I knew you wouldn’t like it. So while mom and the twins were bowing their heads and praying, I had my eyes open and watched them.
Sure.
I did, I swear to God.
Lookit, I don’t need nobody to pray over me. We all know that everybody in your family is puss churchgoers. My dad says your dad is a puss. On the drive over here my dad was sayin’ your dad was whiny puss growin’ up, cryin’ when he fell off his bike and or like when my dad made him eat dirt and all this I’m saved Holy Rollin’ Bible thumpin’ makes him even more of a puss. And you’re his little puss daughter, little Lee with bird legs and a little flat chest.
Then you’re a Cro-Magnon!
Maybe I’ll steal one of your Red Devils and shoot it at your dad’s face.
You are descended from the apes! You know those charts in schools with the apes coming out of the evolutionary water. They’re all slumped over like a question mark and then they get straighter and straighter until they have shaved and are carrying a briefcase. You are back there with the question marks. That’s what you are, Cam. An ape question mark.
Then why dontcha get outta my face and let me get drunk by myself.
You’re drinking!?!
And you better shut up your little trap about it, too. Yeah, I lifted some Jack from daddy’s special cabinet ‘fore we left. Mixed it with the Mountain Dew.
What’s it taste like?
What, you gonna drink some?
I might.
Here little cousin. Dare ya.
That smells foul.
You know drinkin’s a sin. It’s like one of the worst sins, desecrating God’s temple.
You’re such a little queer bait.
I am not queer.
How come your chest is so flat? You born a boy?
No.
Bet you were. There’s this retard in our school you can’t tell if he’s a boy or girl and they’ve like done all these surgeries on him and like they can’t make up their mind what they want him to be. One day it’s a boy and the other day it’s a girl. Somebody caught the retard in the bathroom with his pants down and said it was blue spaghetti down there. Bet you’re like that.
I am not!
Ha! Only somebody with spaghetti down there would say that.
I’ll show you I am not. I am a girl. See.
My boobs are comin’. It’s gonna be slow. My mom says my brain and my mouth are growin’ first and my boobs are second.
Yeah.
Told ya.
I saw it.
Are you gonna light that cherry bomb?
Of course.
You’ll get in big trouble.
I’m aready in trouble, queer bait.
But there was that deal where you don’t have to go to jail. That’s what my dad was sayin’.
Yeah, I gotta go to military school in about three weeks.
Don’t you learn how to shoot a gun in military school?
Eventually I guess.
You sure your parents know what they’re doing?
They know. They’re just packing me off to get rid of me. They can’t stand the sight of me. That’s what my mother said to my face. Right to my face. They want to stick me somewhere and give Casey all their love and attention.
Casey’s already a spoiled daddy’s girl.
They say discipline will take care of my ‘anger issues.’ It’s only going to make me more angry. I hate ‘em all. All of them are liars. The teachers and mental health professionals and mom and dad.
You don’t mean that.
Hate you too, little cousin.
Why?
‘Cause. (Pause) You gonna show me your nasty again? That was fun. Don’t think they give out church pins for that you know.
Who told you about my church pin?
I think your dad called our house every day for a month just bragging his ass off about you and your perfect attendance church pin. You think my parents would blow it off, especially coming from your dad, but no, they just figured it was one more way to rag on me, one more way to point out how I am a failure and a disappointment. Not that they go t’ church more than two or three times a year.
Yesterday I threw my church pin in those woods back there. Threw it away. I did.
So?
I’m just telling you.
Why did ya do that?
It was a cheap pin. Like plastic.
Your parents will be pissed.
I know.
OK. Whatever, Lee.
They gave me a pin for being at church. Just for being there. You would have thought I was a saint like up on those stained glass windows with the halo and the blood comin’ out of my mouth. They don’t know what I was thinking while I was at church.
Hey!
This doesn’t look like anything that dangerous.
It is. A cherry bomb blew off a kid’s hand once. Now give it.
Are you just gonna talk or are you really gonna light it?
Give it back. I don’t know.
Now who’s being the puss?
Would you give it back? You could hurt yourself.
I love you.
What?!
I know I’m not supposed to, but I do. You think our babies would look all weird?
Our babies?
Yeah, would they be weird lookin’? We’re first cousins. They’d have like no necks or somethin’.
I guess they would.
What are you doing?!
C’mon Lee, you better run!
Come here, cousin.
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Song of San Onofre |
