The Crusaders A Ten Minute Play Cast of Characters
Diane
Hartman: The owner of Hartman’s Frame
Shop and Straight From the Heart
Christian Gifts
Jean
Knight: The long time employee of the
shop. She has a familiar
relationship with Diane;
Denee:
An after-school employee around
the age of seventeen. She wears
loud and clunky as well as, the head of the History department at a local university. He speaks with a heavy accent. This leads him to be perceived as a less educated man than he really is. He is a strong supporter of his Islamic heritage.
Time Present. Setting: The backroom of Hartman’s Frame Shop and Straight From the Heart Christian Gifts in a small town in North Louisiana. There are several framed pictures leaning against a desk and one large, gold framed picture in the middle. There is a phone on the desk and a clutter of framing materials. DIANE’S office, behind the back room is offstage. The front of the shop is offstage as well. At Rise: JEAN is working at the desk. Diane is on the phone in her office. The phone rings off stage and DENEE answers it. DENEE (Perky) Hartman’s Frame Shop and Straight From the Heart Christian Gifts, This is Denee, how can I help you . . . Hold on, let me see if it’s ready. (Enter) Ms. Knight, Is the framing done for Dr. Yil-daz? JEANDr. Yildiz. DENEEDid you finish framin that thang? JEAN(Anxious) Well, it’s finished. But I wish it hadn’t been my responsibility to mount a piece of priceless historical art. It ‘s a little bit out of Hartman’s league. DENEEWhat is it? DENEE(Glances at the manuscript; She is confused)
(JEAN slides the manuscript away from Denee)
Oh . . .I mean it’s done? So I can tell him he can come pick it up? JEANTell him to come at four. That’s the best I can do. DENEEHe’s getting real tight about comin to get it. Can he not come now? JEANHe can cope with four. (Shoos DENEE off) (DENEE exits. Her phone conversation is heard offstage) DENEEShe said it’ll be ready at four . . . Well, sir, all I can tell you is that it’ll be ready at four . . . I’m sorry. (Enter DIANE from her office, carrying a box) DIANE(Breathing heavily) These porcelain crosses are heavy! (Heaves it on to a table) I’ve been lookin’ at these all mornin. That greasy sales rep bothered me yesterday, tryin to get me order all these. I told him on the phone while ago that he must’ve confused us with the Raceway Truckstop. I’m sure that they would be thrilled to carry his line. (Rummages through the box) Besides they’re cheaper at market. And I’m sure all those women at the nursing home with my mother-in-law could paint em just as good. JEAN(Lets out a small laugh; But preoccupied) Did you see the manuscript framed? DIANE(Looking up from the box) Yes. The Pier One in Bossier out by the mall had some of those, but they were bigger. And I liked the sage tones they used instead of all those bright colors. JEAN Diane, that is a fifteenth century artifact. There is no way in good conscious that we should have preserved that in this shop. It should be in some national museum or something. That thing’s probably worth millions. DIANE Oh, did that Middle Easterner bring that? What’s his name . . . Mr. Yilboob? JEAN (Becomes more impatient with DIANE) Dr. Yildiz, Diane. He’s the head of the History department at the university. DIANE (Picks up the manuscript) It’s gaargeous! He needs to go on over there to Iraq – JEAN - Turkey. DIANE Well, wherever. He needs to bring us back some of this stuff. We could sell this all day long. (Beat) I wonder if they make em in gold or mulberry. JEAN Diane, art like that is not produced anymore. I don’t know why he brought it here, but I really felt inexperienced. (Studies the manuscript, standing beside DIANE) DIANE What’s the big deal? You’re actin like it’s got some kind a mummy curse on it or something . . . Do Turkish people do mummies? JEAN I did my master’s research on images of Christ in the nineties, not Islamic culture -
(Phone rings off stage) - But I do know enough to know that we probably should have had armed security in here guarding it. If anybody knows what that was, it could slip away on its own. (Continues working while DIANE stares at manuscript) DENEE (Heard off stage answering the phone) Hartman’s Frame Shop and Straight From the Heart Christian Gifts . . . Yes ma’am we have two different shades of the green Bible covers with lace borders on the pockets but neither of them zip . . . Yes ma’am until five . . . Thank you. (DENEE enters; She moves over to look at the manuscript safely behind DIANE and JEAN) DIANE (Ignoring DENEA) Well, whatever you think about your responsibility, I am fine with taking responsibility for choosing this gaargeous gold frame. It makes these colors just stand out so much better! I ought’a keep it for the shop because your such a wizard at framin. DENEE Ms. Knight, if it’s ready, why can’t Dr. Yil-daz come till four? DIANE (To JEAN) He want’s to come pick this up? DENEE He called and Ms. Knight said for him to come at four so that’s what I told em. DIANE Well, Jean, if your so hot-to-trot, thinkin it’s so valuable, thinkin it might get stolen from here; Why’d you tell em four DIANE (Beat) It look’s just fine to me. JEAN If someone did steal it, they’d be stealing stolen goods. DIANE What do’ya mean? JEAN Well, I heard that the government was shutting down the Mosque because someone found out they were raising money for a terrorist cell. DIANE When was all this! DENEE Ooh, I bet it was at that scholarship dinner that I went to last week. The food was nasty! Do you think I gave money to terrorists! DIANE (Demanding) Uhmm, who’s watchin’ the front!
(Exit DENEE, clunking heals) JEAN Last week your husband – DIANE My husband? - JEAN Yes, your husband told me at church that he heard from someone that heard all the officers went down to the Mosque and they wound up taking six men and putting them in custody because of terrorist association. And what I’m thinking is that they have brought this in . . . and probably going to try and sell it to support whatever organization they’re with . . . But what we don’t know is why they would bring this one-of-a-kind Arabic manuscript from the fifteenth century, here. DIANE He didn’t say anything to me!
JEAN Are you sure? DIANE Oh, you know I don’t listen to him. Do you think it’s true? JEAN I do now. DIANE I’ll tell Denee to call Mr. Yaheeb and tell him to come get this thang. I don’t want this in my shop! And we are keepin it in the back until he comes. . . Cause what does all this mean? I don’t even know what it says. I should’ve made him tell me before I agreed to frame it. JEAN All it says, Diane, is one word. Allah. DIANE (In disgust, sets the manuscript down) God, of course!
(Phone rings in Diane’s office; she exits and the conversation is not heard) JEAN (Crosses to the back room phone sitting on the table; looks for phone number and dials the number) Colonel Michael Knight, please. (Holds for a moment and fidgets) Mike, I need help . . . No I see a therapist for that, I need the government’s help . . . Well, I might be holding a big piece of evidence for busting up this terrorist ring I heard about . . . It’s a stolen Islamic artifact that this professor brought in three weeks ago to be framed . . . I framed it, but I have him waiting until four to pick it up . . . Yes I can bring it right there, right now, I do not have a problem . . . Okay, well, have someone down at the gate . . . I wish someone was here to escort me . . . Okay, in like an hour, bye. (Enter DIANE) DIANE So what are we gonna do? JEAN I called Mike and I’m going to take it right now to the Airforce base and let them handle the situation. It’s over our heads. DIANE Well, are you gonna be back by four? Cause what are we gonna tell Dr. Yilhob? JEAN Dr. Yildiz . . .he’ll probably be in police custody before four o’clock. I don’t think we’re going to have to worry about that – DIANE (Excited) - Do you think you’ll be okay by yourself? JEAN I’m not trying to have a one-woman crusade against terrorism. But I think I can make my way to the Airforce base in the middle of the day . . . They’re going to meet me at the gate. And I’ll just turn it over and it’ll all be fine. (Enter DENEE) DENEE Y’all, Dr. Yil-daz is here! What do I tell him? DIANE (Panics) Hurry, get that thang leave out the back door! Denee, get up there and make sure he don’t go nowhere! DENEE What’s goin’ on? Are y’all on some mission? DIANE Go!
(Exit DENEE) (DIANE addresses JEAN) What am I going to tell him if he asks where it is? JEAN (Picks up the manuscript) You just tell him that that we do not handle preservation of such historical importance . . . And that we’re sorry for the delay, but the archivists are bringing it at four. (Exits) (DENEE and DR. YILDIZ are heard offstage. DIANE is shuffling around the room.) DENEE Dr. Yild-daz, I told you on the phone that it wouldn’t be ready till four. Now getting’ angry ain’t gonna help! DR. YILDIZ This must be done today. I must see if can be completed. DENEE Well, I have to get Ms. Knight to come and talk to you – If you’ll wait right here I’ll go get Ms. Knight. DR. YILDIZ I will come and see it and Ms. Knight myself. DENEE Dr. Yil-daz, customers can’t go in the back!
(Enter DR. YILDIZ and DENEE running after him) DR. YILDIZ (To DIANE) Are you Ms. Knight? DIANE Jean Knight has stepped out. I’m Diane Hartman; I own this store. I’m sure I can assist you; your name? (Points offstage; glares at DENEA. DENEA exits) DR. YILDIZ Dr. Yildiz. I would like to see my manuscript. DIANE Sir, you were told it will be ready at four and you will have to wait until then to pick it up. DR. YILDIZ (Frustrated; heading toward DIANE’s office.) The work! Where is the work? DIANE There’s no need to get fussy with me . . . Now, Ms. Knight felt that this job was a bit beyond our capabilities and she sent it to professional archivers to do the work. DR. YILDIZ It is not here?! DIANE Sir, it will be here at four provided everything goes okay with the background check. DR. YILDIZ What is it . . . background check? What does this mean? DIANE Look, Mr. Yilday – DR. YILDIZ - Dr. Yildiz. DIANE We know that the piece you brought to be framed in my shop was a stolen artifact from the Middle East. Now, I don’t know what you terrorists had planned to do with it. But it’s now in the custody of the United States government . . . And you’ll never see it again unless they hang it on the wall of your prison cell. DR. YILDIZ What is this you are saying? Why does my government have my manuscript? DIANE Your government! You stole it from your government! Our government has it now! DR. YILDIZ I am a citizen of United States. And this piece is a family heirloom that has been passed through generations for five hundred years. I did not bring it here to be given away. I must have this at the Mosque by seven o’clock. It is a very important part of services there this evening. DR. YILDIZ I brought it here to have a new piece of glass fit the frame, that’s all. Where is it? DIANE Well, the first thing I did was put it in a much more attractive gold frame with these inlaid, mother-of-pearl crosses. But I realize now I shouldn’t have wasted my time. DR. YILDIZ You still have not told me why my government is holding my history – DIANE - They’re fixin to hold you! Now Jean Knight, who works up here, has a brother who is a colonel at the Airforce base and they will have people here to pick you up. Now I’d have my papers if I were you . . . Where are your papers! DR. YILDIZ My papers? DIANE Your papers! I’m sure the INS gave you some card when you hopped the Rio Grande into our country to come teach our kids your hate! DR. YILDIZ (Angry) I am a citizen of United States. And I do have papers of authenticity tracing the origin of this manuscript. You and them will come with me to court if this Knight lady does not return my history. DIANE Well, the United States government is gonna return you to Iran or whatever it is! I wouldn’t be worryin’ about Jean Knight. DR. YILDIZ I will be back in one hour with the law to take back my history; wherever you have covered it. But if there is one cross surrounding it when I return I will burn them.
(Exit DR. YILDIZ) DIANE Hey! Come back here! The only thing that’s gonna be burning is your ass after they whipped the information out of ya about you all’s plot to destroy our country. I don’t want no hometown nine eleven! (Phone Rings) (Enter DENEE) DENEEMs. Hartman, The sheriff’s on the phone and wants to know if you’ve got his daughter’s Bible engraved yet. He needs it for her baptism tonight – DIANE- Yes, it’s been ready. But I also want you to give him a complete description of Mr. Bildaz while you’re on the phone with em’. And tell him before he worries about pickin’ up that Bible, he needs to pick up a terrorist! DENEEYes sir . . . I think he’s from Iraq . . . I don’t know, he talks with a funny accent . . . Dr. Yil-daz. . Something about a frame-job. (Blackout) END.
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A.E. Edwards